Lost Kitten
by faecree
Summary: Lelouch is dead, Suzaku is broken, and all hope seems lost for our heroes! However, just when Suzaku finally concludes that he's doomed to repent beneath Zero's mask forever, C.C. reappears to tell him that she knows exactly how he can fix all of his problems; adopt a cat! Of course, with C.C. things are never exactly what they appear to be, are they? (ON HIATUS)
1. Opening

**Lost Kitten**

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><p><strong>Opening:<strong> Kururugi Suzaku – II Years Post Requiem

It felt like choking in a way, though he knew he was fine due to the warmth of his own breath as it bounced back at him and washed over his cheeks. However even as the sensation reminded him that he was alive and well, ironically enough the air escaping his lungs really only proved to torment him all the more in the end. It made him recall just what he longed for in its stead after all, and that was nothing if not simply to die. So, as he choked on the humid oxygen inside his mask, Kururugi Suzaku wondered if his curse would ever let him rest.

As far as he could tell he was essentially doomed to _"live"_ until his body gave out of its own accord (if not forever) no matter what he wanted for himself. So, how long would he continue to struggle onward?

He wondered what would happen if and when the final day came; would he grasp helplessly toward the will to live?

Would he be alone?

Alone; that was a word which had been haunting Suzaku more so than ever before as of late. It was like a mantra for him, that one little word, playing over and over in the back of his mind so he could never forget just where he stood in this world. The mere notion had often made his stomach twist in pain at quite a few especially inconvenient moments and for once he found himself truly glad to be hidden beneath the mask of Zero.

Suzaku just wished that the damn thing didn't have to smell so...

Well, it didn't really matter now.

He glanced down at the young girl to his immediate right; Nunnally sat in her chair looking fragile in physique and yet determined and strong in demeanor. For Suzaku it was an encouraging sight to behold. He felt a small swell of pride grow in his chest and caught himself thinking that he wasn't the only one who would be smiling on that day if things had turned out differently.

Suzaku mentally scolded himself as the thought passed however. After all, he knew better than dwell on something he could not change. He was well aware that he would never be able to rewrite history, wasn't he?

Restless was a word for what Suzaku was feeling, but somehow it was far more than that at the same time. His legs twitched irritably like he was dying to run, but he had no idea where he wanted to go. He was edgy and jumpy and frequently lost in thought, so of course people were beginning to notice that Zero was acting rather peculiarly.

In response, he was forced to take special care to sound as passive and authoritative as possible; how he thought the _real_ Zero would've.

However, even that thought alone (despite how vaguely he had tried to word it) struck Suzaku rather hard, and he had to abruptly excuse himself from a conference room full of curious on-lookers who would speak of his actions later, no doubt.

Of course, all the while, as he trudged through the long hallways at a quick pace, the boy berated himself plenty for allowing his mind to get the best of him. He didn't have the privilege of being sad after all, he wasn't supposed to mourn anyone.

Suzaku was cursed and he just had to grin and bear it.

He had promised as much, hadn't he?

So, why was this turning out to be so very difficult?

Two doors greeted him as he rounded a corner, placed grandly at the end of one particularly vast hall. Suzaku pushed them apart so he could slide into the familiar cold darkness of his private chamber. No one was allowed inside with the exception of Nunnally, so as to preserve their secret that was, so here he felt at least somewhat safe. And with the lights faded, curtains closed, and sunlight blocked out by the solid wooden entrance, Suzaku whipped Zero's mask from his head in one swift moment.

Even as the cursed thing collided with the floor in an unexpectedly rough manner, he just could not find it in himself to care.

Or rather, Suzaku actually relished the loud cracking sound it made.

"Fuck," he bit out in a forceful whisper.

It had been long enough, he thought; Suzaku was bordering on his 21st birthday after all, he'd had more than enough time to wipe his conscience of all these dreaded thoughts and emotions. As far as he was concerned he should've been able to forget all the useless memories by then. This sort of thing happened to people every day as it was, didn't it?

So why was he still waiting for someone who was long gone?

Suzaku felt a heated rage well up in his chest and slammed a hand into the wall he was leaning against.

When he pulled it back he silently made note to tend to his clearly injured knuckles later on.

"You're already _gone_," he choked out, forcing back a sob. "You've _been_ gone and I thought once there was no turning back I could finally forget…"

Lelouch's gentlest smile flashed through Suzaku's mind and he crouched down in reflex. His forehead still pressed against the wall, he clutched the fabric covering his neck and forced himself to picture that one very familiar face, though he felt the need to scream in response. With all that he had memorized of his friend he pieced together the face of the prince who had left him behind to suffer, finding it frighteningly easy to imagine the way Lelouch had used to look at him.

Then for a moment he was stunned; before he knew it, he realized it there were tears dripping from his chin leaving tiny circular stains on the floor.

It was too late then, of course he couldn't stop now.

Even if Lelouch himself had thought that he didn't deserve to be mourned, Suzaku at least had to cry for him. In the long run it was really more for his own sake anyway, as selfish as that may have been.

But he had lost something valuable and irreplaceable on that day too, and ultimately Suzaku would've much rather _he'd_ lost his life instead.

Unfortunately, that was a given.

"Sorry Lulu, even though I promised not to… _I'm such an idiot_."

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>dramatic teasers are key okay? Take notes.. this whole thing may just be dropped who knows, as for the moment I will post it as "complete" since I may just keep this as a oneshot anyway… so this is my first post in a while and of course it's suzalulu, since they just keep drawing me back in! mostly on tumblr, but I also have another piece of code geass in the works which may or may not ever be finished. For now it's entitled "How (not) to Avoid Marrying Your Best Friend" which speaks for itself im sure.

If I do decide to add on to this it will be cry worthy hopefully so strap in! the other one is more humor though so I should crank that out too, huh?

So, enjoy suzaku's brooding for now I have a lot of notes for the next few parts so I will try to get that done as soon as I can force myself to focus on one goddamn project! Later chapter will definitely make this story rated M so know this now for sure!

**EDIT - Sept. 2nd, 2014**

hey guys! i was going over the opening to see if there were any mistakes and i noticed that i wrote _crotched_ instead of _crouched_ and i just started cracking up and was like "damn i really need to change that, thats pretty terrible" so while i was at it i did some other editing too!

to new and old followers;

thank you for reading, i hope you enjoy the rest!

- fae


	2. I, Meeting Qualifications

**Lost Kitten**

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><p><strong>Scene I:<strong> Meeting Qualifications

Waking up every morning, something that had already begun to resemble a chore, was slowly proving to be more and more of a hassle for Suzaku than ever before.

And yet, as he cracked his green eyes open to the world on that one _specific_ day, he realized that something was noticeably different about the normal tension he could feel building in his stomach, or at least that was what he _thought_. He could not put his finger on what exactly was amiss in truth, but for whatever reason he actually found himself unwilling to sleep in like usual. Of course, this was something hard to comprehend for Suzaku, who typically felt like sleeping forever.

Even as he swung his legs over the edge of his bed to touch the cold floor with his feet, it was as if his stomach was twisting right instead of left on that day.

In truth he didn't really have the words to describe the sensation, but once again Suzaku realized that he felt like running someplace far away.

It was an invigorating and yet slightly terrifying feeling.

Suzaku knew somehow that throughout his entire life he had always felt this way to an extent. Still, he was unsure of what to call it, but the lurching in his stomach had a familiar pull to it.

For a moment there was a deafening silence, until suddenly Suzaku realized when he had felt this sensation before and visibly cringed.

After all, how could he ever forget the hours he'd spent staring up at the ceiling in bed as a child? He'd waited through too many evenings afraid to sleep, afraid to close his eyes. There were horrendous nightmares he remembered, all the same in theme back then, and they had kept him awake for days on end at times. And of course the boy had known the reason for this all to well even in those days, with the red of his father's faded life still freshly staining his hands.

Sometimes he could still see it in the pitch dark of his room.

Suzaku was even more disgusted with himself for a second then of course, but after a pause he recalled just whose blood was on his hands this time and forced himself to hold back a scream of agony instead of dread. He hadn't had a choice this time after all, had he? Despite how he felt as though he'd rip at the seams any second, he knew that now his punishment was simply to bear it.

Suzaku wondered how long it would be until he crumbled to pieces however.

He hunched over, still seated upon the bed, and swept a hand through his brunet head of hair while heaving a hard sigh.

"There isn't a point to this," Suzaku muttered to himself, as if trying to reason the feeling away.

"There's a point to everything, Kururugi."

The second voice was unexpected of course, so harsh in tone he knew at once that, despite being a girl, this was not Nunnally. Besides, no one, not even the young Empress, would ever dare to enter his room without at least knocking beforehand.

Suzaku stood quickly, taking a defensive pose. However, he was greeted with a shockingly familiar sight which caused him to recoil a mere second later. After all, the person who stood before him was someone he had never expected to see again, let alone in his private chamber at such an intimate moment.

"C.C.," he said in half a whisper. "What the hell are you doing here?"

The so-called witch gave him a sly smile before responding, making Suzaku mildly uncomfortable beneath her gaze.

"You look rather unwell Kururugi, have you not been taking care of your health either these days?" C.C. drawled out mockingly, clearly evading his question. "Well, I guess that's to be expected."

She walked around to the other side of his bed, leaning against the canopy's wooden support with an unamused huff.

Suzaku was feeling rather irritated by this point, being nowhere near the right mood to deal with this witch's sort of game.

He glared at her, trying to convey with his eyes that he wasn't about to play around with her any longer, but she made no signs of backing down.

"You disappeared," he stated firmly. "If you've come back now after more than two and a half years there must be a reason."

C.C. sighed again and rolled her eyes.

"Straight to the point I see," she said. "You're as boring as ever… but _also_ right; the truth is I've come back to help _you_."

"_Help me?_" Suzaku asked, sounding rather disbelieving.

"It's written all over your face really," C.C. stated matter-of-factly. "Don't you think after all these years I have learned the expression of a broken man? I said it before, didn't I? I'm not surprised by your current state in the slightest to be honest. I guess you could say that's the reason I came back in the first place."

Suzaku practically growled in response.

"You mean to tell me that you _knew_ I'd be a wreck afterwards, right? That's hardly a prophecy C.C., it doesn't take a witch to foresee a natural human reaction to a… to a _tragedy_."

He stalked over to stand in front of her then, grimacing threateningly.

"What did you come here for? There's nothing you can do to '_help me'_ after all, unless you know a spell to revive the dead, but we both know there is no such thing."

C.C. grinned like a cat with this, causing Suzaku's breath to hitch.

"You're right again," she said with a light chuckle. "I cannot bring anyone back from the dead… but I _do_ have a proposition for you."

He narrowed his eyes once more, but still he did not grace her with a reply. Desperate not to conform to her games, Suzaku's mouth formed a thin line as he stared the woman down, all the while thinking to himself that he hoped he could hold out just a bit longer before bombarding her with foolish questions.

C.C. sighed and looked to the ceiling, her lip twitching as she attempted to rein in a smirk.

After the quiet had finally settled she gave in to the other's silent protest.

"You like cats, don't you Kururugi Suzaku?" she asked, golden eyes locking onto Suzaku's gaze as she spoke once again.

"_What?_" he spat. "I don't have time for your crap C.C., get to the point!"

"Just answer my question," she fought back calmly as she willfully continued to maintain stern eye contact.

Suzaku took this moment to study the girl in front of him; he thought about what he already knew of this woman and her mysterious ways, and even as he berated himself on the surface for even considering such a thing, part of Suzaku secretly hoped that C.C. was not lying when she said she would help him. Though Suzaku himself wasn't all too sure he _could_ be helped, he had come to learn over the years that just because things appeared hopeless that didn't mean they would stay that way forever.

_Lelouch_ had proven such to him many times, hadn't he?

However, Lelouch wasn't there anymore.

Suzaku was Zero now and if anything that only meant that _he_ had to be the one to create the miracles, didn't it? So maybe this was his chance to do just that, he found himself wondering. Maybe C.C. had another trick up her sleeve to lead him in the right direction, even if that direction wasn't necessarily the one he would've initially chosen on his own.

Then, after a moment's more deliberation Suzaku finally gave in.

"I don't see a point to this," he stubbornly began, though keeping their eye's locked. "However, if you _really_ need to know such a silly thing the answer is yes; I do happen to like cats. So, if you're satisfied, will you _please_ explain yourself now?"

With this C.C. finally let her easy smile free as she plopped herself down onto Suzaku's bed.

"You see," she began. "I have a stray that needs to be taken off my hands. He's a little boy with a bratty attitude and he requires a special sort of owner. Unfortunately, I don't quite meet the qualifications myself, but that's where you come in."

She laid back and looked at Suzaku through half-lidded eyes before continuing and suddenly he realized that he should probably start reading between the lines.

"I need you to come with me," she added in a blunt tone. "That much is for the cat's sake really though, since he won't even let _me_ near him anymore."

"You want me to come take a cat off your hands?" Suzaku questioned uncertainly, being smart enough to know when C.C. was hiding details from him. "And you want me to come with you somewhere to pick him up?"

C.C. nodded once.

"That's what I just said, yes."

"Are you insane?" Suzaku went on. "I can't just leave Nunnally here to chase after a stray!"

"Listen to me Kururugi," she cut him off before he could rant however, rising from the bed once again.

"When I say this is for your sake as well I mean it. You need to save this cat just as much as he needs you to come save him, so leave with me for just three weeks at most and I promise you'll see a difference with yourself by then. If not you can leave the cat with me and return to your so-called _life_. Nunnally has plenty of people to look after her here for now, you don't need to be with her constantly; she'll be fine."

When no reply came aside from silence, C.C. let out yet another huff.

"You worry about her too much, you know? Almost as much as Lelouch…" she said, catching Suzaku off guard.

His expression was pained for a second, but he looked to the ground upon realizing that she had most certainly mentioned Lelouch on purpose.

In the end, that was all the convincing he'd needed.

**x x x**

That afternoon Suzaku was pushing Nunnally through the corridors of the palace when he remembered his conversation from the morning.

Deep down he knew he had to discuss his upcoming disappearance with the Empress now if ever, but such a thing was proving to be more difficult for him than he'd initially expected it to be.

This was Nunnally though, he tried to reason. She was a kind hearted and wonderful girl who would never judge him or hate him for something so small, but somehow Suzaku almost felt as if he were failing not only her, but Lelouch as well by leaving her side.

"Your Highness," Suzaku began formally, though he knew Nunnally would correct him.

And of course, she did just that, reaching a hand back out of habit to touch his own. "How many times have I told you Suzaku?" she laughed lightly. "If it's just you, you should call me by my name."

Suzaku sighed with relief at her usual sweet demeanor. "Yes," he breathed out in reply.

"Now, is something wrong?" Nunnally asked, looking up at his face as though she could see right through his mask.

Suzaku swallowed hard and looked forward once more as he walked.

"I'm going to have to… go away for a little while," he admitted slowly.

A silence enveloped them then and for a second he thought Nunnally would be mad, but she was not. Instead it seemed as though she were contemplating something, or maybe it was that she was hesitant to begin to question him. Either way, the boy watched for his Empress's reaction to change in the slightest and before too long it did just that; her eyes filling with certain softness as she gave him a rather sad and understanding smile.

"What happened?" Nunnally finally asked.

"C.C. appeared today," he explained quickly, though in a harsh whisper. "She says I need to go with her for a while."

"How long will you be away?" she pressed, sounding slightly more concerned now, though still clearly afraid to ask.

"Did something happen? If Miss C.C. is here again that means…"

Suzaku hushed her gently.

"It's alright Nunnally," he reassured. "I will be gone for _three weeks _at most and until then I will leave you in the care of Schneizel, so there's no need to worry."

Nunnally shook her head slowly with this.

"I'm not worried about myself," she said quietly, giving him a slightly pointed look.

Suzaku sighed however and continued pushing Nunnally to her room in silence. She seemed rather miffed that he was refusing to continue their conversation any longer, but the he decided it was better not to get her hopes up in the end. Of course, on one hand part of him reasoned that the girl had every right to know what exactly C.C. had come to tell him, but Suzaku just could not bring himself to involve her any more than he needed to in truth. He already considered himself a hopeless fool for falling into the witch's game after all, so as far as he was concerned there was no point in dragging Nunnally down with him.

Suzaku, on the other hand, just couldn't stop himself from having at least a shred of hope despite everything however, and ultimately he was well aware that this was probably going to be his downfall.

Still... part of him didn't really care.

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>yo! so this probably needs to edited a little more, but for now i like it as a solid scene 1! i think im gonna keep the chapters around 2-3k words usually so i dont get bored of them really fast... hopefully that means ill update more regularly as well. suzaku's kinda a whiny bitch huh? he complains about the same shit a lot like holy crap shut up lolol what? what do you mean im the one who made him do that?! lies, slander, you all disgust me! ok im done... i'll start on scene ii soon, which will either be more suzaku and c.c., with them traveling probably, or the beginning of lelouch's half of all this! yay spoilers..

**EDIT - Sept. 2nd, 2014**

so i fixed a bunch of stuff in the opening and i figured that i might as well do the same thing for part I... and here it is!

thanks for reading!

- fae


	3. II, The Stray With a Pedigree

**Lost Kitten**

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><p><strong>Scene II:<strong> The Stray With a Pedigree

Looking at life as if it were a game was probably never the best choice in retrospect. Actually, it was pure foolishness if one were to be blunt. Games had rules and restrictions and tended to follow certain foreseen paths, so they were far more predictable than the harsh realities of living. After all, what were the truest "rules" of life?

The only real rule, or so it seemed, was that in the end everybody had to die.

However all the same, Lelouch reasoned that he really didn't have much of a choice at this point in his so-called existence, lest he go mad from boredom. And there would be very little point in throwing away what little sanity he had left. So, that was the reason. Lelouch knew that if he didn't consistently treat his life as if it were a game, he wouldn't be able to walk another step, let alone continue to subsist as a functioning human-being altogether.

Okay, well perhaps that was a being bit dramatic, but nevertheless.

He felt so aimless.

It was odd, unsettling in a way that Lelouch thought must've resembled being trapped inside a void of nothingness.

Even now (especially now) everything was foggy to him, as though he were stumbling around the murk, looking for some distant place in his mind where he saw through different eyes. However, as hard as Lelouch tried, he could not pull those recollections from the haze. And, what was worse, that hidden place within his head was taunting him. He could almost hear the laughter, the jeering, and it was simply agonizing. He was being mocked by his own brain, or so Lelouch often thought. True, he wasn't even sure of the reason, but at least metaphorically speaking it made sense. After all, it was laughing because it had robbed him of something quite significant.

Or, frankly, it had buried his memories.

Still, Lelouch thought, he did know _some_ things about himself.

Of course (and this was also mildly concerning to consider), that was only if C.C.'s word was truly to be believed; that suspicious looking woman was difficult to get a read on, after all.

What else did he have though? She had at least been the one to "save" him, telling Lelouch the story of why he had to stage his own death back in the days before he could walk or care for himself on his own. Factually speaking, he wasn't entirely certain if she had ulterior motives or not yet, but what reason could she possibly have for lying to him? What would she gain from such an act? The scar on his abdomen matched up rather nicely to the story in any case, and though he was still skeptical about how he could've survived such an ordeal as being stabbed through the abdomen in the first place, C.C. hadn't been too interested in explaining that portion of the story when Lelouch had asked.

What she did say however, was that his Geass had been the price he'd paid for his renewed life.

Though, he wasn't entirely sure what that meant.

Anyway, thanks to her, Lelouch at least knew to hide his face in public if he didn't want to be identified as the very dead "99th Demon Emperor of Britannia" (which would probably cause mass confusion and panic if anything).

At least that was useful knowledge he could easily verify.

No, that alone made him nearly positive C.C. was no threat, but that didn't stop the pit growing in his stomach from steadily expanding. After all, he still had no purpose it seemed, and he was still traveling, but headed nowhere. He didn't even have a home to go back too, and he most certainly refused to return to C.C.'s side. Lelouch didn't know what to do with himself, trapped inside the body of someone he'd never known, and it was slowly driving him mad.

He wasn't even sure what sort of person he used to be.

Was the imitation much like the original? Or was the model completely rewired?

Lelouch found some old articles to read about his deceased identity online, but every last one spoke of a tyrant who had gotten his fitting end at the hands of Zero, which didn't exactly tell him much of what he wanted to know.

_Zero_

Lelouch wondered about that name every time it popped up.

He uttered it a few times and it left a bitter taste in his mouth.

C.C. didn't say much about Zero apart from the fact that he had been Lelouch's alternate persona in the war against Britannia. And obviously photos of Zero weren't sparse. On the contrary! With help from the internet, one could find tens of thousands of pictures of the masked man, but Lelouch wasn't quite sure what he felt as he sorted through them all. He'd been far too preoccupied with trying to picture himself fighting countless battles hidden beneath that mask, killing so many people all the while, but the mere notion was dreadful enough as it were.

He could almost call himself a monster with so much blood on his hands.

Oh, but his former self was most certainly a monster, and often times he became ill with the thought of it all, even though he had no real memory of those days.

Of course, it seemed as if that was the reason why Lelouch felt he could hardly take another step so often recently. He wondered, with all that he had done in his life, why did he deserve to be saved? He already had a vague idea of his previous thoughts on the subject after all (that was a lie; he knew for a fact his original self wasn't too keen on living either), but this wasn't about whether he wanted to end his life or not. This was about if it deserved to be ended _for_ him.

Zero was a monster.

_He_ was a monster.

It didn't matter what the results were, or the intentions. There were countless columns to prove it, along with pictures of the masked man wrecking havoc on the battlefield. And there were lists brimming with all the terrible acts that he had preformed as he fought to dethrone his very own father. Sure, some people praised him as a hero, many more so after all was said and done, but almost all of the news that centered on The Black Knights' acts of rebellion took place during the reign of Charles Vi Britannia. Thus, most of the articles were written to put Zero in a much crueler light.

That was until The Requiem of course.

On a similar note, eventually Lelouch stumbled upon a photo of Zero which stood out to him during his research, as _he_ himself was dead at the man's feet.

He had wondered about the stranger who willingly took on his mask, the one who killed the real Zero.

C.C. had said it was a friend who took his place.

He wondered what sort of friend he must've been to accept such a pointlessly painful role.

Lelouch shook his head.

"It isn't as if I'll ever meet him," he thought aloud. "I am dead, after all."

The street that night was far quieter than usual, eerily so.

Lelouch could hear dogs barking in the distance, but that was as loud as it seemed to get apart from the occasional screech of a car or motorcycle speeding down the road.

A chill ran up his spine as the winter wind rolled past.

His coat wasn't thick enough, Lelouch noted to himself, but he'd spent most of his money on a hotel room earlier that day. The cold of winter had been far fiercer than usual that year and Lelouch knew it would probably be best to focus on earning enough cash to buy warmer clothing (at least for next year). As it were, he'd nearly allowed himself to freeze to death this winter, and that experience was anything but pleasant.

However, he hardly had the energy it took to deal with the obnoxious men who _paid_ him.

Or rather, in Lelouch's eyes, it was simply too much of a hassle to go around gambling for petty cash all the time.

He literally never lost though and, truthfully, his idea of "petty cash" was actually enough money to afford him food and a four star hotel room for a little under a week.

Actually, Lelouch may have awoken with no _recollection_ of his past, but he did retain a number of the talents that he'd had hidden beneath his belt during his previous life, if not all. Therefore, he knew he was capable of maintaining an even more stable lifestyle off of his repertoire of skills if he so desired.

Lelouch's problem was simply lack of will.

Besides, what did it matter? The comfortable beds he'd slept in, the nice room service, the delicious foods, and the fancy clubs; despite everything he'd tried, he still felt nothing.

There was nothing tangible in the world which would fix him.

Lelouch was utterly convinced that he was doomed to a reality of unattainable happiness. It didn't matter how much money he had. Literally the entirety of mankind was a stranger to him and, as far as he was concerned, he was ultimately damned and eternally alone.

Lelouch couldn't even remember how "happy" felt.

He'd risen from his grave with no real remembrance of such an emotion and the only feeling he had in his gut on that day was one of pure dread.

Who could blame him for his confusion and panic however? He'd come-to in an unfamiliar world with an unfamiliar identity while being cared for by an unfamiliar girl. Not to mention, once he'd heard of all that he had done during his "real" life, Lelouch almost instantly lashed out at C.C. and called her a liar. Though, that was hardly unexpected.

Horror, desperation, denial; he had felt so many conflicting emotions that came along with the story of Zero, and his mind worked overtime for weeks before he was finally able to compose himself. In those days, Lelouch spent hours upon hours locked away in his bed, refusing to eat (or rather, his food refused to stay down), and essentially thinking his way into an existential crisis.

By the time the worst of his emotional trauma had past, Lelouch regained control of his actions and pulled himself up and out of his hole. However somehow, though he was eating again, sleeping regularly, and had regained the ability to put on the face of a normal human being, he still considered his own resurrection to be a mistake.

Yet, there he was walking through town as if he were just another civilian.

"What sort of day will tomorrow be?" Lelouch asked himself quietly without any real reason.

He clenched the fabric covering his abdomen as he felt a familiar throbbing sensation.

"Oh," he breathed. "So, that's how it is."

**x x x**

When Lelouch awoke he was staring at the clean white ceiling of his hotel room.

It wasn't sunny out; the dark clouds that were hanging above had painted his suite in a tone of gloomy grey and Lelouch couldn't even hear the usual cheerful chirps of the birds. It almost made him feel ill, the dismal atmosphere, and he thought that such a sensation was probably similar to the feeling of being on one's deathbed. Though, Lelouch then followed that notion with the realization that he had already been on his deathbed, hadn't he?

Suddenly, he felt even sicker.

Unexpectedly, Lelouch found himself shivering as he woke and realized that he had left his window wide open through the night. As a result, of course, with the winter breeze blowing in so frequently, his room was dangerously cold.

Mentally, he decided not to leave the hotel that evening.

The cold had lasted longer than usual that year, which hadn't helped Lelouch's motivation in the slightest. In fact, it made him want to isolate from the world all the more. The winter was almost like an excuse for him, one could say. It was an excuse to stay indoors.

Lelouch glanced at the clock on the bedside table, dreading the idea of moving from beneath warm down comforter. However, once he was awake it was nearly impossible for him to sleep again until he reached the point of exhaustion, so it would be fruitless to even try. Still flat on his black, Lelouch covered his face with his hands and sighed loudly at the mere notion.

It was past noon, long past actually.

_4:41 PM_, the clock read in a florescent green light.

He stretched his arms and took one steady breath.

Lelouch knew he had been acting childish recently, and his sleep schedule only proved to promote that fact all the more. As was blatantly obvious, he was becoming more and more of a shut-in as the days progressed and he had no idea what to do. To be honest, it disgusted him in a way, the fact that he was refusing to face reality simply because he didn't understand or recognize it. And, despite his left-brain telling him otherwise, Lelouch just could not believe that he still had any place in waking the world. A bout of terrible depression was weighing down on him and as it progressively became worse, so

In one swift movement, Lelouch rose from his bed and paced over to the window, drawing the curtains all the way and shutting it tightly.

His teeth were chattering in the chill, and though he knew the heating system was on and running it really hadn't seemed to matter much.

_I need a hot showe_r, Lelouch thought lazily, still rather groggy from sleep.

He spent far more time in the shower than necessary, of course. Although, he finished washing up within 15 minutes, he sat beneath the water for nearly an hour before bucking up the courage to leave the warm comfort of the steamy bathroom.

Once he had braved the cold for a bit however, his room heated up rather quickly. And the fact that he had gotten dressed probably helped as well.

Then, just as Lelouch was laying out a light brown wig to wear that day if need be, there was a knock on the door.

Actually, there was one loud knock, followed immediately by a rhythm of three quicker and softer taps.

It was C.C..

Lelouch groaned internally as he approached the door. Despite the code, which she typically used (that was unless she felt like surprising him, unfortunately), he still looked through the peephole just to be absolutely certain.

Indeed, it was the one face in the world he recognized which greeted him.

He opened the door just enough so as the woman could slip in stealthily.

Instantly, Lelouch snapped.

"What do you want?" he nearly growled as he shut the door a bit too hard.

"How rude," C.C. teased. "And here I went through all the trouble of finding you; you could at least act a little gracious."

Lelouch narrowed his eyes.

"Like I said, what do you want?" he pressed.

C.C. didn't respond right away. In fact, she took her time pacing through the room casually in order to plop down on the bed and stare at him with bored amber eyes.

"I came to tell you that I've gotten you a gift," she replied after a while of silence.

Lelouch turned his head and scoffed.

"Somehow, I doubt any sort of gift you have to offer is something I would willingly accept," he stated coldly.

C.C.'s eyes suddenly changed somehow. Lelouch practically saw the humor etch itself onto her face even, and in an instant he recalled just why he had ditched her company in the first place. She was never the sort to put things bluntly, after all; at least she hadn't been in the short time since he'd known her. No, C.C. liked to keep him guessing, she liked to play games with his head (which was already jumbled up enough as it was), and she openly took great enjoyment in watching Lelouch become truly irate.

Frankly, her presence often caused him actual physical pain, simply because being around "The Witch" tended to give him one hell of a headache.

"That may be true," C.C. said as she stood up from the bed. "But that's also assuming I'll allow you too refuse."

"What does that mean?" Lelouch bit out as his scowl deepened.

"I wonder…"

Accompanied by the sneer which contorted her lips, she almost looked mocking. But what else was new? Lelouch wasn't surprised that nothing had changed in terms of C.C.'s personality of course. It wasn't as if he was expecting her to come to him and offer true "support" or some such nonsense as that. It was just that, he didn't think he could stand to be around the one person who knew him while he was well aware that she didn't give a damn about him. After all, he knew C.C. was really just after something. There had to have been a reason for her saving him besides any sort of relationship they had.

She clearly wanted something from him; he just didn't know what.

"I'm tired of listening to you talk," Lelouch said in a grim tone of voice. "I want nothing from you, so hurry up and leave me be."

"Yes, I'll be taking my leave now," C.C. muttered. "I will come back however."

With this she turned to walk towards the door, but Lelouch suddenly spoke up before she could leave.

"What if I decide to disappear?" he spat. "What if I were to find another room somewhere in another city before you have the chance?"

Without turning to face him, C.C. replied.

"You won't," she stated matter-of-factly. "I know you can't afford to right now. Besides, I've told you before Lelouch, I'm always aware of your location."

"That's just disturbing," Lelouch said with a look of disgust.

"Goodbye, Lelouch," she chuckled.

And then finally, C.C. walked out the door with not a single word more.

**x x x**

It had been well over 24 hours since C.C.'s visit, and for the majority of that time Lelouch had been pondering what sort of gift she was going to attempt to force onto him. Of course, in all honesty he had absolutely no idea what she could possibly want to give him so badly, but he knew for certain that it wasn't going to be anything positive.

He sighed.

He hated playing waiting games with her. She always felt a deep seeded need to keep him on his toes it seemed. Lelouch, of course, did everything in his power to be at least one step ahead of her, but he found that alone to be nearly impossible most of the time. It was rather like C.C. had the uncanny ability to read his mind, or some such nonsense of that nature. And she was always there to laugh at him when they reached the finish line, whether or not she had won or lost.

Lelouch would've almost certainly strangled her by now if she hadn't already proven her immortality.

Of course, his irritation, in regards to the matter, only seemed to make her laugh all the more.

Yet another reason he avoided C.C. at all costs.

Despite what was said earlier, Lelouch still considered fleeing the city, the country even. However, depression won over as soon as he realized how much additional effort he would have to put into such an endeavor. He knew for a fact that he didn't have the energy it took to earn enough money for a plane ticket, after all, let alone all the other expenses that came along with traveling. And the fact of the matter was, Lelouch didn't want to put forth all of that effort when she was probably already right on his tail.

Then, as if on cue, Lelouch heard C.C.'s code echoing off his door and stopped dead in his tracks.

It was the middle of the night (12:03 AM to be exact), and somehow he thought that he shouldn't have assumed she would show up again during the day.

Nevertheless, Lelouch felt his chest tighten as he turned towards the door.

He was never in the mood to deal with C.C. honestly, but the fact that he had a suspicious tingle in his stomach suddenly did nothing to help. Despite this, however, he was also well aware of the fact that she was persistent and knew exactly how to get what she wanted. So, he resigned himself to the fact that he would have to open his room to her sooner or later. However, he decided to test her patience first, not moving to answer the door until he heard her repeat the sequence twice more.

"Alright, fine!" Lelouch called out as he swung the door open, this time without double checking the peephole.

_ Big mistake. _

C.C. wasn't on the other side of the door. In fact, C.C. was nowhere in sight.

True, the code had matched up perfectly to the rhythm that only _she_ knew, but the person standing before Lelouch was most definitely not C.C.

For starters he was male, but that wasn't the most pressing issue.

The real pressing issue was that the stranger's face morphed in recognition as soon as they made eye contact, and suddenly Lelouch was being shoved and locked in his room with this person who very clearly knew who he was. Unfortunately, that put Lelouch at a major disadvantage for obvious reasons.

He wanted to say something, demand some answers maybe, but instead he sat there with his mouth hanging open idiotically.

He was at a loss, of course! He didn't know who he was looking at! As per usual, he didn't know anything! The only thing he was absolutely certain of was that this guy had shown up out of seemingly nowhere, and that he was clearly somehow connected to C.C. However, that didn't do much to help Lelouch navigate the situation.

And the silence was lasting, even as the stranger stood there fuming and looking at Lelouch as if he were trying to convince himself that he didn't actually exist, nothing was said.

Then, finally, the tension shattered.

"Lelouch…"

The way his name was uttered was so soft, almost broken sounding.

"You're alive," he choked out. His voice was hollow and quiet, laced with shock. "You have been this entire time?"

"I…" Lelouch trailed off.

He wasn't sure how to explain that he didn't know who he was talking to, and he wasn't exactly sure he wanted to either.

But then the stranger's face lit up with rage.

"Why would you let me think you were dead this long?!" he demanded, grabbing Lelouch by the shoulders and shaking him. "Were you just going to let me go on living with my punishment while you found some loophole out of your own?! It makes me sick! Don't you… don't I…"

The stranger stopped; his fire cooled as he lost his words and tightened his (already firm) hold.

As for Lelouch, well the only thing he found himself capable of doing was staring back with wide eyes.

He was afraid, of course. It was potentially dangerous to say the wrong thing or move in the wrong direction, so he simply stood there. However, he then realized that he needed to lay out a vital part of his situation that instant, before this one progressed downhill any further.

"I…" he began cautiously with a slight shake of the head. "I'm sorry, but I don't know who you are."

The stranger's eyebrows shot up as he instantly released his grip and took a step back.

"What?" he breathed.

Lelouch gave the man before him a once over before speaking again.

To say the least, he was clearly trying to cover up his appearance.

Lelouch was all too familiar with the art of disguise. He had to be in order to live the way he did. So, when he looked at this guy's choice of clothing it really wasn't all that hard to see he was attempting to mask his identity. The heavy hat, glasses, over-sized coat, his efforts bordered on pathetic, but that was beside the point.

The question Lelouch wanted to ask was,_ "Why?"_

Moreover, there was a decent chance that this was someone he had wronged as Zero, or something along those lines, who would potentially want to hurt and/or kill him.

Though, the notion of that possibility in itself was scarier to him than the thought of actually dying.

Regardless, he hadn't done anything to indicate that he was intent on harming Lelouch (yet). So, for now he'd have to just wait and see.

As it were, the stranger was staring at him with large, confused eyes, his mouth hanging ajar just slightly, in a way which told Lelouch he was fighting some internal battle.

Finally, he decided it was his turn to break the ice.

"So then… you knew me," he stated.

Though, it almost sounded as if it were actually a question.

As the words left his mouth, however, Lelouch realized that this person (who he knew nothing of) probably knew all _sorts_ of things about him. And following immediately after this thought, he was hit by a strange wave of jealously, which left a bittersweet twist in his stomach as it dissipated. There was something truly unsettling about the idea that someone else legitimately knew who he was better than he himself, after all.

_It's all just so unfair._

"What are you talking about?" the other asked in a voice that was half pleading. "Of course I know you!"

Those eyes of his had changed again as well.

Round, green eyes were still staring at Lelouch, but now they held a glint of desperation, something which nearly caused him to recoil.

But at least that told Lelouch what he needed to know.

"You… you were part of The Requiem then?" he asked hesitantly.

The stranger narrowed his eyes.

"I'm not here to kill you, Lelouch, if that's what you're wondering," he said as if the mere notion was something completely ridiculous.

Upon hearing this, Lelouch decided that he simply couldn't take the guessing game anymore.

"Then why are you here?!" he burst out. "And for that matter, who the hell are you?!"

The stranger looked defeated.

"You really don't remember me?" he asked, clearly still hanging onto that one last thread.

Lelouch shook his head and looked to the floor.

"I'm sorry, I don't remember anything," he said. "So, since you obviously already know who I am, tell me who _you_ are. And, for that matter, who are you _to me_?"

The other boy inhaled sharply, but then his shoulders seemed to relax, if only a small fraction.

"Suzaku," he said warmly. "My name is Suzaku and I'm your Knight."

And though Lelouch was about to ask what exactly Suzaku had meant when he referred to himself as his "Knight," he found his mouth to be preoccupied with another vital task instead. Or rather, before he could even register what was happening, Suzaku was kissing him.

When he pulled back Lelouch was too stunned to move, but it didn't matter. He had already been wrapped in a tight embrace.

"I don't care if you don't remember me," the other boy whispered into his neck. "As far as I'm concerned you've been dead for two years already, but now you're back. I never even allowed myself to dream that this would happen, but you're actually back."

Lelouch's body loosened up the moment he felt tears on his neck, and his hands, which had been hovering in confusion previously, found purchase on Suzaku's upper arms.

Silently, he decided not to say anything for the time being.

It was clearly Suzaku's turn to talk.

"Lelouch… Lelouch… Lelouch… Lelouch…"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> its been near non-stop thunderstorms in chicago for the past two days and the sound of rain always has had the ability to put me into a writing mood... ehhh, but thats irrelevant, isn't it? SO HERE IT IS! PART II OF LOST KITTEN! sorry for how extremely late this update is, but i promise to start work on part III as soon as possible.

i also apologize to anyone who may have been under the impression that lelouch was actually going to be a cat in this story, but the title was supposed to be symbolism... but i stand by it. he is a cat, just go w/ with me on this okay? im bound to bring all this symbolism crap back up again at some point (maybe sometime real soon), so... ya know...

on a side note; this is the longest chapter so far, so i hope that at least somewhat makes up for the terrible wait... i decided to jump the gun and just throw suzaku in there already, so i hope that helps too lol either way, if there are any errors i will get around to fixing them at some point, but in the meantime i just really wanted to post this for you guys so here ya go!

oh, and one more thing!

there are about 9k words written in "melting ice" as of this moment, but my old goal of 10k is no longer realistic for a decent story, so i'm just going to write until i find a good point to stop. i estimate 20-30k? it's still going to be a oneshot though, so for those of you who are waiting for "melting ice" to be posted, know that it is going to take quite a while as long as i am updating this regularly as well

apart from that, thanks for reading!

stay tuned!

- fae


	4. III, Pity the Fool

**Lost Kitten**

* * *

><p><strong>Scene III:<strong> Pity the Fool

"Is this real?" he asked. "Are you real?"

Lelouch could only stammer in reply, still holding onto the arms which enclosed his torso.

Suzaku's fingers were nearly digging into him, and he thought it must've been an attempt at grounding himself, but it hurt and Lelouch was very tempted to pull away. Something in this stranger's tone kept him from doing so however, a deep and dreamy sort of waver which was held within. It sounded calming, even though Suzaku was clearly far from calm, and he felt an immense desire to reassure the shaking figure leaning against him.

"I'm real," Lelouch whispered.

Suzaku sat back suddenly with a jagged grin, releasing a demented laugh.

"That's right!" he bellowed hysterically, tears still clinging to his eyes. "If you were just another dream you would know who I am!"

_More tears._

Although, Lelouch figured usually anyone who was attacked by a stranger, in such a candid and familiar fashion, would probably be at least a bit uncomfortable, he wasn't. Part of him rationalized that it may have been because he had no memory of any sort of "intimate" relationship to begin with (no matter how you chose to perceive that word), and thus no basis to judge off of. However, on the flip side of things, Lelouch also wasn't an idiot, and therefore he understood the basic workings of every day formalities.

_This,_ certainly, was not normal.

So, in the end Lelouch still wasn't quite sure why he allowed Suzaku to clutch onto him for as long as he did, but, honestly, he was not bothered by it. He retained no suspicions of his life being in danger (at least not for the moment). Besides, Suzaku's reason for being so distraught was, unquestionably, the key to what their true relation had been. Lelouch also thought that Suzaku most likely had the right to do whatever he wanted with him, whether that was to hold him for hours or rub his face in the dirt. Honestly, he probably had a million and one reasons to act the way he was, and even if Lelouch himself didn't know what they were, he could already tell that these reasons were truly, morbidly real.

"Uh… we should talk," he said cautiously.

Suzaku's breath hitched and he pulled him closer again, his face returning to its place on Lelouch's neck.

"Anything," he gasped, clearly choking on his words. "Just don't leave again, Lelouch. Just promise me you won't leave me for a second time."

Lelouch swallowed hard, allowing his fingers to relax against Suzaku's arms.

He paused before nodding slightly.

"Okay," he hushed. "I promise."

The parting, unlike when he'd felt Suzaku's body against his (oddly enough), was awkward.

Seeing him pull back finally, after having cried like a child for so long, made Lelouch weirdly uncomfortable. Yet, as Suzaku stood and offered him a hand to help him to his feet as well, the tension in his stomach lapsed momentarily.

This made him wonder.

Without thinking, Lelouch turned his back to Suzaku, listening intently as he paced the room.

The silence was deafening; it was a cliché phrase, but Lelouch thought it fitting as he swore he was deaf for a moment. Though, the quiet made his thoughts resonate ever louder in his mind, so that couldn't have been true. He was profoundly confused, and in that moment, the knowledge of such was disgustingly apparent.

"I was so desperate,"

Shaken from his thoughts, Lelouch looked over his shoulder to shoot Suzaku a quizzical glance.

He was sitting on the bed, hunched over with his face buried in his hands; it was an obvious display of fatigue.

_Oh_, Lelouch thought. _I'm not even sure if he was talking to me after all._

"You…" he tried, but he cut himself short.

It was rather intimidating to speak to Suzaku after what had just transpired between them. There was still so much he wanted to ask though.

"You called yourself my Knight," Lelouch began in a soft voice. "What does that mean?"

Suzaku sighed and sat up.

He removed his fake glasses, his hat, and his coat before setting them on the bed beside him.

Lelouch was shocked when he found himself thinking that Suzaku looked somewhat familiar to him, taking into consideration the obvious fact that he didn't know anyone, apart from C.C., of course. But, when he thought about it, if he had been a part of the Requiem after all, it was possible that Lelouch had stumbled upon a picture or two at some point during his research. Though, part of him felt that there had to be more of a reason, other than simply the fact that he may have seen an image of Suzaku before. Even if he'd been mentioned in an article, or if C.C. had brought up his name, something about his current situation seemed off, in a sense. Of course, he wasn't sure what he was expecting, especially considering that most everything had seemed rather off since Lelouch awoke in this foreign world in the first place.

Regardless, he'd had enough beating around the bush, because if he wanted answers, he needed to ask questions.

Unfortunately, Suzaku replied with a question of his own.

"It was C.C., right?" he said, grinding his teeth.

"Huh?" Lelouch offered dumbly.

"You ask me if I was a part of the Requiem, didn't you?" Suzaku went on as he narrowed his eyes thoughtfully towards the window. "How much do you even remember before that?"

"I don't remember anything," Lelouch stated again firmly. "In fact, the only reason I know my own name is because C.C. told me when I woke up."

"Did she tell you how she did it?" Suzaku demanded.

"Tell me how she did what?" Lelouch sighed. "Did she tell me how she managed to _revive_ me? No, but I've stopped trying to get straight answers out of that woman by now."

Suzaku's face dropped.

"I can't believe she would do this," he said breathlessly. "Why would she bring me here after almost 3 years?"

Lelouch straightened up then, a sour look on his face.

"Now, it's your turn," he began. "Tell me who you are, and bluntly this time. I'm simply trying to _live_ at this point, so I have no interest in being thrust back into any part of my old life."

Suzaku's expression grew pained for a moment, but soon he seemed to resign, glaring down at the wooden floor beneath Lelouch's feet.

"I told you already," he huffed, rising to stand in front of him.

"Yes," Lelouch sneered. "You call yourself my 'Knight,' but what does that _mean_?"

Suzaku stared at him, seeming as though he were searching for his words. But soon his eyes softened.

"Well," he said evenly. "You know you're royalty, after all, right?"

"I _was_, you mean," Lelouch snorted.

"Even so…" Suzaku took his hand gently, raising it to his lips as he got down on one knee. "You are the Emperor, and I am your Knight."

In an instant, as he was frozen in place by the sight before him, Lelouch recalled one article in particular he had read during his so-called studies. It spoke of the death of the "Knight of Zero," the fight which ended him and the name he held: Suzaku Kururugi. And something clicked for him, staring at down at this person he felt he must have been very close to. Lelouch swore that his throat closed up, and he backed away with the thought, startling Suzaku for a second (though he didn't seem particularly astonished). After all, it was so bizarre being faced with a real, live person from his past, one who wasn't C.C. at least. Though, he'd read plenty about some of the different people he'd been involved with, none of the names or faces had really stuck. Lelouch was sure that, even if he had bumped into them on the street, he wouldn't have recognized anyone from the pictures he'd seen.

However, this situation was a different matter altogether.

"Y-you were supposed to be dead too!" he gasped, sounding far weaker than he'd meant to.

"We faked it," Suzaku explained calmly. "It was all your idea actually."

"And this?" –He gestured to himself- "This wasn't supposed to be fake?"

"I think that much is obvious."

Lelouch pursed his lips and glanced away.

There was a lot on his mind, _of course_, so he was silent. His brain was running on overdrive, suddenly unable to locate the proper words to form any of his copious questions. With there being so much he simply did not know, somehow he wasn't sure what to ask first. Of the million queries in his head, Lelouch could not think of a single one of them. At one point, he realized again that he truly _had_ to be vigilant about all of this; there was no doubt of that. Whether or not Suzaku was going to hurt him would never really be 100% out of the question after all, and saying _anything_ was pretty risky really.

Lelouch felt like he was navigating a minefield, blind.

However, Suzaku spoke up again before he had the chance to find his words.

"Lelouch," he said firmly. "Have you been with C.C. since you _woke up_? She told me you're trying to avoid her."

Well, technically she'd told him that a cat was avoiding her, but that was irrelevant at the moment.

Lelouch snorted humorlessly.

"Avoidance?" he echoed. "Is that what she's calling this? It's more like I'm running away, to be perfectly forthright. It isn't as if I need her around anyway, since everything is well enough as it is. She certainly isn't good for company either, if that's her goal."

"Will you tell me everything you remember?" Suzaku pleaded. "From the moment you woke up until now, can you explain that to me?"

"You've still barley told me anything," Lelouch pointed out slowly.

"Alright then," Suzaku folded without a second thought. "Ask anything. I promise, I'll tell you everything I know."

Lelouch was taken aback by his quick reply. He examined his face for a moment, checking the sincerity in his eyes, hearing it in his voice. He wanted to trust him, he really did, but even after the excessive crying Suzaku had done on his behalf earlier, Lelouch still wasn't completely convinced he could.

"C.C. told you to come here?" he finally pressed.

Suzaku nodded.

"What else did she tell you?"

"She was having me meet her here, or so I thought," Suzaku explained. "She told me you were a cat."

Lelouch chose to ignore that last part.

"Why are you even alive?" he suddenly demanded, though he did not enjoy the taste of the question as it left his mouth.

It took him a moment to realize how horrible he'd sounded just then. Suzaku seemed unfazed however, though his face was dead serious.

"Lelouch, I am Zero," he replied tonelessly.

Lelouch stared at him in shock.

"Oh."

"What else?" Suzaku pushed before he had the time to continue again (he liked to lead the conversation, didn't he?).

Lelouch's immediate next thought made his face warm up. It wasn't as if he didn't already have a slight idea as to what the answer may be. In fact, his reason probably should've been perfectly obvious. Yet, Lelouch supposed he had best ask Suzaku anyway. The question on the tip of his tongue, that was. The only real problem Lelouch was faced with was finding the right words to handle the situation tactfully, which typically should've been painlessly simple.

However, the "right words" weren't what came out when he spoke.

"Why did you kiss me?" he asked before he could stop himself.

Again, Suzaku seemed as though nothing were affecting him, making Lelouch question his sanity. He had the stoic look perfected, that was for sure, and the bags under his eyes showed that he also probably had a good reason. Lelouch found himself wondering how exhausting it must've been to exist solely as the icon known as Zero.

And suddenly he wasn't sure if he truly _wanted_ to remember how it felt to be himself, the "real" Lelouch.

"Lelouch," Suzaku uttered his name patiently, as though he enjoyed saying it. "That's because you were my lover."

"Oh…" he breathed again, averting his eyes as he felt a flush come across his face. "…I'm sorry."

"For what?" Suzaku prompted quickly, giving him a sad smile. "It isn't like you could've known."

"I suppose not," Lelouch murmured.

"I guess I can't be mad at you for anything really, especially not now that I can assume C.C. brought you back without your permission," Suzaku went on, though he sounded as if he were speaking to himself once again. "I honestly don't know what I feel right now, but it definitely isn't anger… at least not towards you."

"If it helps," Lelouch muttered cautiously. "Even though you aren't familiar to me, something _about_ you is…"

Suzaku gave him an odd look, but suddenly he cracked another crooked grin.

"Yeah," he agreed. "It really does."

His voice was so forced, choked out really, he wasn't sure if he believed it.

Lelouch's eyes continued to scan Suzaku over, attempting to read his mind through his body.

First of all, he looked absolutely exhausted, which made sense when you consider that he had probably traveled all the way from the capital. However, it wasn't just physical fatigue which appeared to plague him. Lelouch thought Suzaku looked psychologically _unbalanced_. His expressions were overly exaggerated, and his smile never quite met his eyes. It was abundantly clear that he wasn't used to showing emotion, in an unsettling sort of way. He also seemed to get lost in his head easily (probably because there was a lot to think about), and Lelouch nearly felt worried for him.

Lelouch always thought he had it bad, watching everyone around him, jealous of the fact that they knew themselves, while he did not. But Suzaku was almost certainly going through something Lelouch could never hope to understand, at least not in his current state.

He glanced at the clock with that thought; it was nearly 2AM.

"Suzaku…" Lelouch said quietly, wondering why it felt so odd to say his name. "You should rest."

"What?" Suzaku asked slowly.

"You look like you haven't slept in days," he chided without thinking. "Are you trying to work yourself to death?"

Suzaku stared at Lelouch. His eyes were wide in shock for a moment, but instantly his face dropped again, and he looked to the floor.

"I guess you could put it like that," he chuckled somberly.

Lelouch wasn't sure how to respond to that. He could feel strong pangs of guilt vibrating through his chest, wanting to do something even though there was really nothing he _could_ do. Maybe the old him would've known how to remedy the situation. Maybe the original Lelouch, Suzaku's _lover_, would've known exactly what to say.

_Yeah, he probably would_, Lelouch thought.  
>"Aren't you tired, Suzaku?" he uttered helplessly.<p>

Suzaku looked up to him once more, his eyes practically screaming everything he hadn't said yet.

"You have no idea," he whispered.

"Then sleep," Lelouch said with a sigh.

He turned around, going to pace the room a bit, but suddenly he was tugged by the arm.

When he turned around Suzaku was squeezing his wrist and looking him dead in the eyes. There was something about his face in that instant, something which had Lelouch feeling incredibly on edge. It was the most emotion he had shown thus far, a combination of fear and anger and sorrow overtaking his visage all at once.

However, that was not what frightened him most.

For a fraction of a moment Lelouch recognized that face, completely and absolutely.

He recognized the way Suzaku's brows were furrowed, how his mouth was drawn into a thin line, the way his jaw clenched and his Adam's apple moved beneath his skin. And of course, his eyes were what stood out the most; those overwhelmingly emotional eyes, they were wide and hardened, and their green was memorable, even with Lelouch's lack thereof.

Or, perhaps that had been a memory.

"Only if you promise to be here when I wake up," Suzaku begged through his teeth, his eyes already tearing up once more. "You can't leave again."

Lelouch felt himself soften.

"Fine, I promise," he huffed. "I already told you I wouldn't go anywhere. What more do you want from me?"

Suzaku bit out another lifeless laugh, pressing the palm of Lelouch's captured hand to his cheek.

"Nothing," he replied. "This is more than enough. This is more than I _deserve_."

**x x x**

Lelouch had been watching Suzaku sleep for about an hour.

He wasn't being creepy or strange, but rather, he was fulfilling a request.

Perched upon the bed beside to him, Lelouch was currently allowing Suzaku to use his leg as a pillow. The physical contact helped him sleep, Lelouch had found quickly, so he allowed it. True, it was a bit awkward at first, but now he merely felt calm after having sat there for so long, occasionally fighting back the urge to run his fingers through Suzaku's hair soothingly. It was unimportant that Lelouch's leg was already beginning to fall asleep; he didn't dare wake him up.

Suzaku was dead to the world, though his hand had latched onto the fabric of Lelouch's pants in a death grip.

Lelouch wasn't sure what he was going to do when Suzaku woke up, but it seemed as if his life was about to take a tremendous turn. This secondary presence becoming something ritualistic wasn't necessarily a guarantee, but Lelouch had the idea in his head that Suzaku might be inclined to stick around as long as possible. He wasn't really sure if he was okay with this himself, of course, but something told him that it wasn't really up to him. After all, Suzaku was fit for battle (he'd noticed when he'd taken off that hideous jacket earlier). And, despite being slightly shorter than Lelouch (very slightly), he would definitely have the upper hand in a fight. In fact, Lelouch knew with absolute certainty that he would be beaten into the ground in record time if he were to challenge him physically. So, if Suzaku truly was _that_ intent on staying, there was really nothing he could do to stop him.

If he were being perfectly honest however, Lelouch wasn't exactly opposed to the idea either.

It was nice having someone around, who treated him familiarly, someone who wasn't C.C.

Suzaku seemed far more likeable already. Though first impressions could be very deceiving, so he wasn't quite sure he could trust his own judgment for the moment.

_Then again, this isn't really a "first impression," is it? _Lelouch pondered silently.

In fact, suddenly the future looked so incredibly _open, _even though it was likely to lead up to a "bad ending," that was irrelevant. Suzaku's (re)appearance into his life had instantly wiped everything of its monotony. Even the grey, which had seemed to overtake the hotel room at one point, seemed to be slowly dissolving into color.

It nearly frightened him really.

"Are you happy with your present?"

Lelouch jumped, whipping his head towards the room's entrance, where C.C. stood casually.

"When… how did you get in here?" he griped out in a hush.

C.C. ignored his question. Of course.

"How funny," she laughed. "You're supposed to be the cat, but it seems as though the owner is the one being pet instead."

Lelouch furrowed his brows at her before looking down to Suzaku once more.

Indeed, unbeknownst to him, sometime during his rumination, his hand had found his way to Suzaku's hair of its own accord. And he was absentmindedly caressing him, not unlike a small child or a beloved pet.

Quickly Lelouch withdrew his hand.

"Why did you bring him here?" he demanded immediately. "What is it that you're trying to accomplish, Witch?"

C.C. smirked.

"Haven't heard that one in a while," she mused. "He must be rubbing off on you already."

"Answer my question," Lelouch hissed.

She laughed sarcastically.

"It's funny hearing that, when you still haven't answered _mine_."

He glared, reluctant to tell her anything, as per usual. It wasn't as if he had too much to say on the subject anyway; he wasn't quite sure _what_ to make of it yet.

"So," C.C. said with a mockingly innocent tone. "What do you think of your gift?"

Lelouch narrowed his eyes, reigning in the urge to practically _growl_ at her, of all things.

"I'm confused," he stated bluntly, still quiet, but in a harsh tone. "You're always scheming something- you don't do things without a reason. I know that much. What's your aim, C.C.?"

C.C.'s smile slipped from her face with this, as she leant against the wall, heaving a loud sigh.

The look on her face made Lelouch's chest ache though. It was slight and brief, but prominent enough that it left him with the feeling of a pit in his stomach. Something about her was nostalgic, that must've been it. She had always been there, constantly next to him, even now as he ran away from her. He felt that familiarity, if only for something less than a second. And as long as Lelouch had known C.C. (since that day, two and a half years ago, when he awoke in the middle of nowhere with her at his side), she had never sparked any life into him.

Well, that was until now.

"Do you believe in second chances, Lelouch?" C.C. asked, but her voice was somber.

Then she shook her head before he could reply.

"I wouldn't expect that you do, but I had to ask."

Lelouch narrowed his eyes at her.

"You don't actually expect me to believe _that's_ what you're trying to do, do you?" he whispered distrustfully.

C.C. said nothing, but she did smile. Yet, this smile was unlike any she had given Lelouch in the past. It was honest, nearly _vulnerable_.

Lelouch was taken aback, of course. He felt his face drop instantly at the sight, his anger wavered, and, for a moment, he believed her.

Suddenly, Suzaku's fingers tightened and he stirred in his sleep.

Lelouch instantly froze, nearly afraid to breathe. However, his efforts were superfluous as Suzaku instantly fell back into his state of dreamy bliss.

"It would seem you're an amazing sleep aide, Lelouch," C.C. quipped teasingly after a few moments.

Lelouch ignored her and stared down at Suzaku, touching his head thoughtlessly.

"You're right," he muttered. "I don't believe in second chances, especially not in _my_ case. So, why?"

C.C. began to saunter towards him then, that uncharacteristically soft smile still in place over her usually derisive visage. The sound of her footsteps, loud as the pumps she wore clicked against the hardwood floor, caused Lelouch to look away from Suzaku and towards her once more.

"Men make mistakes… That is the folly of humanity," she whispered, placing her hand on the cheek below Lelouch's left eye. "You are eternally damned to search for a perfection you will never be able to achieve."

C.C. leant in closer.

"You were manipulative, ruthless…" –she chuckled- "a liar, but you were never _evil_."

And then, out of nowhere, she pressed forward and left a chaste kiss on his lips, pulling back with a new smirk in place.

"And as selfish as your goal may have been, that doesn't change the fact that you _rebuilt the world_."

Lelouch stared up at her, his eyes wide with disbelief.

There was only one thing he could think to say.

"I… I was such an _idiot_."

"Lelouch," C.C. snorted, staring at him with laughing eyes. "Didn't you know? Only idiots get second chances."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>I'm sorry, I'm over here crying because it's finally done! Well… okay, so it isn't really "done," per say, because it's really rushed and kinda shitty. I'm sure there are a lot of typos too, but I at least wanted to post this even before I edit it, because I feel bad for how long this took. And its only 4k words! I'm so sorry… Apart from that, I probably would've written more for "Melting Ice" by now, but I promised myself I would finish this before I started working on that one more. I got way to focused on Part 2 of "Melting Ice" that I nearly forgot about this story a few months ago. Luckily, I had enough inspiration to make myself finish it in the past few weeks. I didn't even start this for such a long time… I'm a slacker, jfc.

Anyway, I'm definitely going to add to this, and rewrite things probably as well, so check for that maybe. As for the next update, I'm going to try to get Part 2 of MI out before I post Scene 4, along with my OTGW story, "Five to Forever." But Stage 2 of that story is already mostly done, so…

Okay, I know a lot of what happens in this chapter is weird… like Suzaku using Lelouch as a pillow? I feel like that's probably extremely unlikely, but I think that was probably my aim, ya know? Suzaku is clearly still smitten with dear Lulu, so I'm sure things will progress nicely for a while. This story's main conflict is simply Lelouch's memory, besides, so I'm just going to make Suzaku all touchy-feely for my own amusement. And as for Lelouch not feeling awkward about having his personal bubble invaded…? Well, that's really just me indulging.

Oh! I just remembered! I'm not sure if I ever mentioned this before, but in case you can't tell by now, this story contains some one-sided Lelouch/C.C. …I think it's obvious who likes who… (ahem).

Thanks for reading!  
>Stay tuned and stay groovy!<p>

- fae


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